Welcome to TsuKata's Org*
This is the first time I've owned a domain, so I'm kinda just having fun with it right now. I work a full-time job, and I have a full-time life so chances are that by the time I finish doing something, it's out of date. Have patience, and most of all, have fun!
Got questions? Got problems? Got milk? Then e-mail me 'cause my milk, as always, has gone bad.
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Sunday, March 31, 2002
Bunnies! Bunnies!
I almost hate to cover up my happyjoy from last night, but...I have to do something for the holiday today. Okay, I know most of the world is celebrating Easter, but because I always have to do things a little different, I figured I'd write a bit about Ostara...which in my exploration of such things has been a holiday that I could enjoy a bit more than Easter. Ostara is a Pagan holiday to celebrate the arrival of spring, and it's usually celebrated around March 21st, or on March 25th. It is at this time when light and darkness are in balance, yet the light is growing stronger by the day. The forces of masculine and feminine energy, yin and yang, are also in balance at this time. Pagan customs such as the lighting of new fires at dawn for cure, renewed life, and protection of the crops still survive in the Southern Americas as well as in Europe. Witches celebrate Ostara in many ways on this sacred day, including lighting fires at sunrise, ringing bells, and decorating hard-boiled eggs which is an ancient Pagan custom associated with the Goddess of Fertility. In those ancient days, eggs were gathered and used for the creation of talismans and also ritually eaten. The gathering of different colored eggs from the nests of a variety of birds has given rise to two traditions still observed today - the Easter egg hunt, and coloring eggs in imitation of the various pastel colors of wild birds. It is also believed that humankind first got the idea of weaving baskets from watching birds weave nests. This is perhaps the origin of the association between colored Easter eggs and Easter baskets. And as for the Easter bunny? Well...bunnies are fertile little beasties, and...
Paganism operates in cycles, like the cycles of nature. Ostara is the time when the great Mother Goddess welcomes the young Sun God into her bed and conceives a child...the child is born at Yule, during the Winter Solstice. Yeah, Paganism is a good bit more pervy than Christianity...I guess that's what attracted me to it way back when. :) No virgin births here; we have sex and we enjoy it! Although...the Mother Goddess is always a virgin for the Sun God at Ostara...they just (unlike some other folks) have real live sweaty nifty sex. She is reborn at Oimelc (groundhog's day aka candlemas...another one that's been appropriated from the Pagans), and this is their first union after that event. Anyways, for this reason, Ostara is half renewal and half fertility festival...which means that if I were hanging with the Pagan circles like I used to (still haven't found one I like around here), I'd have been at a major party a few nights back.Eostre, the Saxon Goddess of fertility, and Ostara, the German Goddess of fertility are the aspects invoked at this Sabbat.
Spring cleaning is also an Ostara-thing. It's something I've been procrastinating for awhile, but I did a good bit of it already and will do more today. Anyways, it's like making a concentrated effort to rid your home of the problems and negativity of the past months, and to prepare for the coming spring and summer. To do this, many Pagans approach the task of cleaning their homes with positive thoughts. This frees the home of any negative feelings brought about by a harsh winter. A common rule of thumb for Spring cleaning is that all motions involving scrubbing of stains or hand rubbing the floors should be done "clockwise" (I always do this...old habit I got myself into). Pagans believe this custom aids in filling the home with good energy for growth.
Another habit I got myself into...not blowing out candles. If you blow out a candle, it means you're blowing away the energy it created.
I haven't really talked about religion on here yet, but it's a topic on my forums right now. This seems like a good time to mention that I'm not loyal to any particular religion, but there are three that I've felt close to...Daoism, Judaism, and Paganism. Guess what they all have in common? They're among the oldest of the currently recognized set...definitely older than Christianity. I still have warm feelings toward the polytheism of ancient Greece. Egyptian polytheism, too....the old mysteries. I'm not sure if the age influenced my interest in them. Maybe I like simplicity. Paganism seems simple to me, natural. Rituals and practices like the ones I described above...well, I was doing alot of that before I even read about Paganism...and part of that is that Paganism is integrated into our culture, and part of it is that it just makes sense. Plus...I mean, dig into quantum theory sometime and then go read To Ride a Silver Broomstick. Makes you wonder whether or not those ancient cultures were really as backwards as we like to think of them.
But enough rambling on my part. Hope you enjoy the day, whether you're celebrating Easter or not. Eat some Peeps. Clean your house. Meditate. Be happy. Eat cookies. Take a long bath.
And, of course, blessed be. :)
I want a sign!!!!!!!
Why oh why can't guys just have little neon flashing signs on their foreheads saying "Friend" or "Date". Even like a little red light for not-date and green light for date. Grr. I'm getting all oogy again. New guy. Well, not new really. He's been around for awhile, but then he was in Toronto and he does work where he travels alot so I only get to see him sometimes. He treats me like a girl though. I've never had a guy treat me like a girl until him. It's really very...well, it makes me feel good. Like I am one, I guess. Which I am...but...well, I don't feel like one most of the time...argh. Hard to explain. Especially right now because I'm still buzzing from the coolness. And there was a great amount of coolness. I found a couple more reasons to get all Oweny over him...as if I didn't already have enough...I mean, he sings along with songs in the car...just like I do...and he knows movies and he keeps track of his mileage like I do...and...and...And I act like an utter moron around him. I mean, I nearly ran over a median tonight. And I fumbled trying to put my sweater on until he helped me. And...and...
I had a wonderful time. ::sigh::
Saturday, March 30, 2002
The Question Game
My answers aren't nearly as amusing, but it's still interesting to see what I said. All answers are subject to change. Offer not valid in IL, KS, AZ, TX, SC, LA, or NY. Do not taunt happy fun ball.
1. LIVING ARRANGEMENT?
Apartment
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
"Neuromancer" and BtVS 2nd Season transcripts
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I don't have one...optical mouse makes mouse pads obsolete. :)
4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Tough one...Samurai, Acquire, RoboRally, Ricochet Robot, or good ol' Monopoly
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
used to be PC Gamer, now not sure I have one
6a. BABIES?
Parasites.
6b. LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS?
Really flowery smelling perfumes and candles...and sour milk
7. FAVORITE SOUND?
thunderstorms
8a. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD:
anticipation
8b. BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD:
sex (gotta agree with you on that one, Joe-bi-wan)
9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
whether or not I have time to hit the snooze button again, and what am I going to wear
10. FAVORITE COLOR?
green, plaid
11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
as close to first as possible
12. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
don't want kids, but if I had to pick...Jacqueline, Elizabeth, Sarah, Christopher, Alan, William.
13. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE?
me, those I care about, prosperity
14. FAVORITE FOODS?
almonds
15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Mint chocolate chip
16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
Yes
17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
Yes
18. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY?
Very very cool.
19. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
1995 Mercury Tracer, white with blue interior, named Kobe, deceased in July of 1997.
20. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE?
Thomas Jefferson
21. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Midori sour or Mardi Gras Punch from Copeland's on St. Charles
22. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
Libra
23. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
Yes...yum :)
24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE?
author, lawyer, and professional student
25. IF YOU DYED YOUR HAIR, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
I'd never dye my hair. Ever.
26. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Sometimes.
27. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
The glass is 2 times too large.
28. FAVORITE MOVIES:
Labyrinth, Circle of Friends, Matrix, Fifth Element, Shakespeare in Love
29. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
yep.
30. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Things that were I to discuss them would soil your virginal ears. And probably my cat because she hides under there when company is over.
31. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?
3
32. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
If I must, tennis, soccer, or hockey.
33. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU:
He's strong and dedicated...and he's just plain nifty. :)
34. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Tim
35. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Josh
Mount Doom: Conquered.
And now I'm putting off taking care of the mess in my living room. My place is currently decorated in the style adored by bachelors everywhere: pizza boxes, half drank cans of soda, socks, underwear, games, and random mail strewn everywhere. I personally love how the pizza box sitting on my desk accents my utter laziness in that I didn't even leave it in the kitchen and obtain a plate like a civilized human being. ;-) But thankfully, I might have someone coming over tonight, and that is motivating me to take care of everything. Bedroom is now clean because even though it won't get seen, I said to myself that there was no way I was going to let myself trip and fall trying to get to the bathroom in the morning again. I kid you not, I had built a wall around my bed and in my bathroom where I had just taken off clothes randomly so that I could wander around my apartment naked like I usually do.
In other news, I was looking for my version of that question game Xnera posted awhile back, and I started reading old e-mails between us. Came across the first e-mail I ever sent her...read through all the e-mails I've sent her since then. It was a nice trip down memory lane.
Oh and check it out...synchronicity rules...X just IMmed me. :)
I've been playin' with the railroad,
All the live long day.
I've been playin' with the railroad,
Just to pass the time away.
Don't you hear the whistle blowing?
Stay up 'til early in the morn.
Don't you hear the Roger shouting
"TK, take your turn!"
Friday, March 29, 2002
All that and a bag of chips
Okay, I have now been damned FOUR times today for being cool. FOUR! As in two plus two, three plus one, and well, four plus zero. I guess I'm not allowed to doubt it anymore. It's one thing to be told you're cool, but another altogether to be damned for the sin of being so cool. :) And on easter weekend too....I'm going straight to hell for this one. :)
And that reminded me...
...of this game that I was really into for awhile. But I can't remember the name, so I'm of no help at all. I just remember that it was set up so that you kinda lived the game, like the movie The Game. They sent you e-mails, and there'd be a phone number or a message hidden in the e-mail (although it would just look like regular spam), and then you call the phone number and there's a voice that tells you the next thing to do. They'd also call you in the middle of the night and give you clues. It was really cool, but they priced it out of my range so I stopped fiddling with it.
A similar thing was done as part of the promotional for the movie A.I.. The trailers for the movie had certain letters highlighted that formed a website, or certain marks that made a phone number...and you could use that information to follow a giant trail that was like an online game, basically with the point being to solve a mystery of some kind involving Jeanine Salla and Evan and robots and a weird hate crime group. There were fictional characters that were part of this game included in the movie credits...finding their names led you to other clues. I tried to find links to the places I used to go to when I was going through the game, but I came up short. Here's the best I could do:
An article about the promotion
The Ain't It Cool News Coverage
CloudMakers - Site for people who went through the online trail, has lots of details, CloudMaker is the yacht that Evan Chen dies on (part of the mystery)
Damn, X...
Gotta say this for Xnera...she doesn't post to her blog as prolifically as I do, but when she does...her posts are HUGE. Not to mention that they're just plain filled with all sorts of interesting quotes and links that are hidden within the text in a very Wil Wheaton-like manner.
I can't believe that a newspaper actually said the weather is nifty today.
Why'd this have to come out of my home state?
Remember awhile back when I had a minor DMCA rant on here? Well, welcome to the next incarnation. Senator Hollings (D-SC) has introduced the Consumer Broadband and Digital Television Promotion Act (CBDTPA) to Congress for consideration. Can I emphasize any stronger than I already have what a bad idea it is to let the government regulate technology? Nevermind that it goes against the core of my political belief structure...we're talking about digital standards being regulated by people who can barely retrieve their e-mail, much less have ever had a course in data structures or digital logic. I have friends who work in DC as staffers for various Senators, and I kid you not...I know of at least 3 Senators who have their e-mail printed out and left on their desk because they can't figure out how to get to it. Is this who we want making decisions about how technology will advance? The advent of a hardware-based copyright enforcement system will impede progress by limiting the development of better systems. There will be no demand, so there will be no development. We will be stuck with the same old crap for years. Hardware-based enforcement is not effective. It's one of the easiest things to circumvent *because* it's static. Gives those who are interested in breaking it plenty of time and motivation to do so.
And from a purely consumer point of view...it will mean that your current CDs, DVDs, etc...won't work in new players. You'll have to once again re-buy everything in a new format. Haven't we already done that enough? Your digital camera, your VCR, your television...even the new digitally enabled microwaves and kitchen appliances that are coming out...they'll all have to be compliant with this act, meaning a hardcoded copyright check. Additional expense for corporations, which will mean additional expense for us.
It's nearly time for me to head out for my salon appointment (yay!), but in the meantime, for more insight into this, check out this article "U.S. prepares to invade your hard drive" on salon.com. I'll post more relevant links later. I spent an hour or so reading about this. That's how "grr" I am.
Thursday, March 28, 2002
Capitalism rules.
Bugger this. I'm freezing to death. Off to the mall.
Brrrrr...
Okay, it is far too cold in my office today. I'd think it was because I'm underdressed, but it isn't, as Joe is cold also. We're both sitting here shivering trying to find ways to keep our hands warm enough to type. Evil. I think I'm going to cut out early and go buy a new outfit. We shall see...
Wednesday, March 27, 2002
Go Ice Cube...
I'd have to say it's been a good day...(bass...thump thump thump).
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I got called into my new manager's office this morning, rather unexpectedly. And he sounded really solemn on the phone and he usually mentions something like "Oh I need you to drop by my cube because we have a new project for you" or "I need to check on something" This morning, no hint as to why I was going over there (and it is a significant walk as my new group is located in a different section of the building)...just...come here. And, well, I live in constant fear that someone's going to be like "you lazy! you only got three MR! Work harder! no leave at 4pm! no come in at 10am! bad!" (that was supposed to be an imitation of the Jamaican sketch from In Living Color, but I'm not sure how well it came off) So here I am walking down the hall (which just seems longer when you're scared)...hearing the death march theme...and then I get there, and he wants to go to one of the small PC rooms. These are tiny conference rooms to be used for manager-employee discussions. Basically, this means that they want to tell you something that no one else hears, and since we all have cubes around here, everyone hears everything unless you use one of the rooms. Well, going to a room is often a bad thing. That means you're being yelled at for something, and they don't want to embarrass you in front of everyone. So I'm like...yikes.
But, as you've probably guessed from the ecstatic title of this blog entry...my fears were unfounded. I was getting an award...I am loved and adored. :) I am the golden child! Worship me! :) Go me! Get busy! With my bad self! :)
Plus, it's a gorgeous day today (even if I have no windows near my office through which to appreciate it), I've worked out several of those dilemmas that were being all horny at me back on the 22nd, and pretty much, life rules. :) I'm going to schedule a salon appointment over my lunch break at a new place which hopefully will have good manicurists. A manicurist has a difficult job. It's something like being a geisha...you're expected to look your best, and to entertain your clients. A manicurist, to be good, has to be their client's best friend for the length of the appointment. That's what you miss when you go to the smaller cheaper places...the ones that generally have very few english-speaking nail technicians. If the Asha salon in Woodfield hadn't lost my manicurist, I'd still be going there. And I used to go there for *alot* more than manicures...they lost a pretty significant client. That's how important a good manicurist can be to a salon. Anyways...back to the grind...time to earn more awards. ;-)
Tuesday, March 26, 2002
Holy Flaming Vaginas, Batman!
Cassie Claire has posted the latest in the V. Secret Diaries of LotR Characters series...The V. Secret Diary of Sauron!!!!!!!! :) And there I was just going to get the link to Draco Veritas....
Draco the Hottie
"Love is a beautiful thing, Weasley," said Draco, staring up at the sky.
"Not when it's your two best friends," said Ron. "Yech, I can hear the smacking noises."
Heh. Been there done that. :) Damn you, Xnera! This story is awesome. I only got half the work done I wanted to finish today. Granted, Tim's amusements over on the forums haven't helped matters. :) Is it okay if I fall in love with Draco now?
The Lonely Mountain
I just got off the phone...tonight has been a marathon of phone calls for me. Anyways, too wired to go to bed. Plus I know that my favorite MechE is having a likely unpleasant phone call right now, and I kinda want to be around when he finishes just in case.
In the meantime, I wanted to clarify something a bit. I do talk alot on here about being fat and self-acceptance and how fucked up the world/men is/are because of the way they look at fat women. Keep in mind alot of that is political. I'm pretty darned adamant that the government has no right releasing some standardized chart of weights and then applying that (for example) to my dad. My dad runs. He works out. Dude, there's like so little fat on him that I worry about him at times. Yet, the Navy says he's overweight and has to work on it...why? Because they measure your neck and your height and your body fat and apply a formula and poof! You're overweight! They never look at the person's build. My dad is of Irish descent...as am I. Irish guys are short and sturdy...large necks and broad shoulders, but short, compact, and densely built. Stuff like that pisses me off, and it makes me get political.
And...well, I've had a number of guy friends...obviously :) Y'all just saw me bitch about it. And I question alot what it is that makes me get stuck in the friend zone so damn often...and I have asked a few of my guy friends the question in the past. Guess what the answer was? That's a good bit of how Brian C. lost his status with me...and it's how Josh lost his status with me...and how medrvstang lost some status with me...and admittedly, it's a part of how Chris lost status with me, although not the major part. Pissed me off when he said that he'd be embarrassed to walk into a business dinner with a fat wife...and then he tried to mitigate it in his usual way...well, that's just *me*...doesn't apply to *you*...but you know what? At Joe's wedding, Chris and I went together because his girlfriend was in New York, and all of my friends were out of town for Thanksgiving. And he took every opportunity to make sure that everyone there knew that he wasn't there *with* me. Sure as hell applied to me right then. And then Joe danced with me, and Joe's brothers danced with me, and everyone danced with me and Chris was sitting in a corner pouting and then I didn't care. :) But anyways...the point being, that I'm fine with being fat. I think I look pretty damn awesome most of the time. I glance at myself in mirrors and go...damn, I'm cute. I admire my curves. I love to feel the muscles in my legs, and I love that I can lift my dad up. :) I used to kick ass in karate...literally. I had a low center of gravity, and I was stable, and I was strong, and well...people didn't expect it. The things I hate are not being able to shop at certain stores...like I love Old Navy's skirts...but I can't wear any of them. Anyways...alot of my bitching is just me being realistic. I know that guys want to have girls that their friends will admire. That means that they have to follow a physical standard that they don't necessarily personally agree with sometimes in order to impress their friends...and what I also know is that somewhere around 30, they realize how stupid that was (probably when their hottie wife starts annoying the fuck out of them) ...hence me having had *alot* of older guys in my "romantic" life. But...the mountain of self-acceptance is a lonely one...and I realize that more and more as I meet more people who are normal and average and typical. Anyways...time for me to chat on the phone some more. ;-) Talk to y'all later.
Monday, March 25, 2002
And I thought Dr. Benard was a muppet...
You are Gonzo!
You're a bit loopy, and many people have trouble figuring out exactly what you're supposed to be. You take pride in your eccentricity and originality.
Of mice and men
Going on a vacation gives you alot of time to think. When you don't have to worry about cooking or cleaning or working, you just have more time to ponder...and yes, of course, to over-analyze. Going on a vacation to DisneyWorld tends to put thoughts into your head on its own. You go on ride after ride that has some kind of social, moral, or ethical message. There were very few things I did that (perhaps partly as a result of my own cynicism) didn't somehow seem to be trying to influence my thoughts. Animal Kingdom gives you lectures about poachers, conservation, endangered species, and remembering that even a bug is a valued part of our global ecosystem. Epcot informs you that dreams and imagination should be important, and that all people from all cultures are valuable and should be accepted. Even Magic Kingdom had a bit of a stint to it...but in a much more Orwellian way.
None of this is a complaint; it's merely an observation. I certainly don't blame the Disney Corporation for pushing its own set of values at its own private amusement park. And certainly, I can't find much fault in having respect for one's environment, or for treating all people as people rather than races, genders, or sexual orientations...that last part being something for which Disney has received both praise and condemnation. I just have to temporarily ignore the irony of the massive amount of ecosystems that Disney destroyed to create that huge parking lot outside of the Animal Kingdom as well as my own knowledge of the strict appearance regulations all employees must observe...regulations that are, at best, bred in a fifties whitebread mentality. I know, I know...I'm a cynical old hag. Kiss my grits.
But more and more, my mind kept wandering to other things...I watched people...something that used to be a favorite activity in New Orleans. I'd sit in or near the Cafe Du Monde in the Quarter and watch the street kids, and watch the tourists try their best not to look at them. Anyways, while I was doing all of this thinking, my little singleton mind naturally fell on the topic of men. And you know what? They piss me off. None of them really want what they seem to want. They bitch all the time about how their girlfriends aren't into what they're into. Guy A bitches because his girlfriend doesn't understand his love of cars. Guy B bitches because his girlfriend thinks his projects are silly. Guy C bitches because his girlfriend is a blinking idiot and can't hold a discussion to save her life. Guy D bitches because his girlfriend doesn't play computer games and gets on his case for playing them too much. Guy E bitches because his girlfriend spends too much money. Guy F bitches because his girlfriend doesn't see the importance of education or employment. I saw at least that many couples at Disney having disagreements over what ride to go on because she wants one thing, and he wants another. And it's really all very silly. Because what do all of these guys do when they meet me? A girl who is into all of the things they're into?
Ding! Ding! That's right! They stick me into that interminable friend zone (ominous clap of thunder)! You know why? Because as much as they bitch, they don't really want any of those things. I'm leaning towards the caveman theory that for some reason men haven't figured out how to evolve past the old instincts of "find trophy woman" and "protect trophy woman." I'm not saying that they wouldn't prefer one that is into what they're into...but primary urge is to find pretty and find weak. Pretty makes them feel like they've accomplished something, and weak lets them continue to feel nifty for continuously saving her ass. It disgusts me, in all honesty, and it should disgust them, but ::shrug:: caveman, grunt, grunt. I had a friend tell me once "every guy gamer wants a girl gamer." You know what? Bullshit. I've been on the market pretty much since I turned 14...that's nine years or so now...I've been gaming actively since I was even younger. Do you know how many gamer guys I've dated? Zip. Zero. Nada. There is one possible exception, but it depends on how you define gamer. And since I'm ranting right now and don't give a rat's ass about logic, I'm ignoring that for the time being. Besides, that was a nearly perfect relationship, and he's one of the rare awesome people I'm about to discuss. But...out of all of the gamer guys I've known (which is almost all the gamers I've ever known)...all the engineers...all the computer geeks...do you know how many of them date women who are into the same things? Almost none. And obviously, they knew someone who was into those things, 'cause there I was. Grr. I'm beginning to get just a tad bitter about this, in case you can't tell.
And that's part of what struck me so deeply about the Camryn Manheim quote posted on here on the 22nd. The more awesome of a person you are, the less people there are who are equally awesome. So you either have to sink down and accept someone less awesome, or spend alot of time at the upper reaches of the mountain. Now, granted...I've met alot of awesome people in my twenty-three years of existence...but "alot" is relative. Compared with the number of people I've met, the awesome are relatively few. Then you have to take that number and reduce it to the amount of men (because despite my bi-cravings, I still prefer them)...and then reduce by men within a dateable age range...and then reduce by availability...and then by location...and compatibility...and you get this infinitesimal percentage. It's really a pretty darned hopeless quest. And then you add to that the mountain of self-acceptance...and the trophy girl factor that means I can't judge myself by my own standards of beauty but rather have to judge myself by some ridiculous society and media driven standard...and it's like, damn, why in the hell do I even bother?
But ya know what? Those three years or so of almost perfect were some of the best of my life. And if every twenty years I can manage to have three just like those.... Well, then I think the annoyance and bother and pain and hell and tears and loneliness and desperation...well, it might just all be worthwhile.
Check back with me when I'm forty-three...
Hey, look at me!
Well, I've added a title to my blogs. I'm not quite sure why I wanted one, but I kept wanting to title things, and so there ya go...have a title.
Oscar results are v. disappointing. Great quote from excellent article on salon.com called Oscars 2002: Somebody Make It Stop:
"So that was it. The Hobbits and the Africans were simultaneously lauded and robbed, and the Academy tried to hypnotize us into passive acceptance by acting earthy. They seemed to be saying: See? We're just regular folks.
"Yeah, they're regular all right, those famous multimillionaires who never go to the post office or the DMV or sort receipts for taxes or fly coach or pay to see movies or get older or worry about the rent or medical insurance or college tuitions. They're just like you and me, only with fucking everything, and they don't want us around while they're having it, but we're allowed to watch them have it, once a year, on TV. So we'd better enjoy it. Or they'll sic Tom Cruise on us again, and, God, we don't want that."
I just finished sorting through the 200+ messages in my inbox. :) This is what happens when I go on vacation ;-) And I haven't even read half of them yet...just was glancing at them to see what was important, make sure nothing high priority had come in. Vacation always means I spend the day I come back just getting caught up on what I missed, doing filing and organizing of work, and replying to people who need replies. I have had a pounding headache since I got back in on Friday. My apartment complex is the primary cause, although generic "just got home" stress contributed as well. I think I have migraines. Blech. OTOH, work is quiet today at least. No one calling me with urgent issues (knock on cubicle wall material).
You ever feel like you're just faking being happy? Had a discussion on this with a friend last night. I'm over-analyzing again, like I always do. Right now, I'm just woman on the edge because of vacation recovery, so to some extent, I'm pushing alot aside so that I can deal with each moment on its own merit without bringing things having nothing to do with anything into the mix. So...yeah, to some extent, I'm just faking my current emotional state. Hit me a bit last night because a friend mentioned to me that I seem to be alot better than I had intimated that I would be post-vacation...well, alot of that is because I don't want to deal with anything right now, so I'm not. Probably tonight or tomorrow, I'll have everything taken care of, bills intact, etc...and then I will just break down, get it out of my system, and be "normal" again. Although...normal for me is always a bit of deception. I wonder if I'm schizophrenic? Reading that book (Beautiful Mind) is getting to me. Song of the day is Chop Suey by System of a Down. Or maybe Sugar.
Sunday, March 24, 2002
I got to sleep in today. :) yay. but now my garage door won't open and I want to be somewhere!!! AAAAAHHHH!!
Saturday, March 23, 2002
Okay, this is what sucks about visiting my dad. I am now on a militarisitic sleep schedule. Argh. :)
Friday, March 22, 2002
More fluff from last week:
There is an awesome little game store in Panama City, where I managed to pick up my very own Ryooki plush...from the anime Tenchi Muyo. Now, I have only seen about 3 episodes of Tenchi so don't come to me to discuss it seriously, but it was the first anime that I ever saw, and a very cool but regretfully shortlived friendship with a guy in my freshman dorm led me to it...and he had a plush Ryooki that I fell in love with. So now I have my own. So there. I write run-on sentences alot, don't I? :) Consider it part of my colloquial charm. Anyways, this game store had a Mage Knight competition that I looked in on briefly, and they were having a LotR competition later in the week but I was going to be in Disney then. No, I am not such a gamer that I would give up Disney to go to a LotR tournament. I'm only enough of a gamer that I flew back earlier than originally intended to make it here in time for Magic Realm and a Gimmick Road Rallye
Disney has a new ride that I wanted to go on, but couldn't drag my dad onto to save his life. :) It's called the extraTERRORestrial adventure. Notice the accent on TERROR. The special effects were done by George Lucas, and it's supposed to be awesomely scary, but it's not a roller coaster or a thrill ride...it's just scary. I'm all for scary. Apparently things touch you and you're restrained and aliens abduct you or something. Totally am planning on going to Disney sometime next year just so I can go on this ride. Would v. much love company. Will definitely be hitting up all of the regulars to see if they want to go. I'm in particular thinking of someone who has vowed to get me on a rollercoaster. Space Mountain doesn't look so bad. You can't see where you're going most of the time anyways. I could be dragged onto that one I think. Maybe. If there were promises of hugs and ice cream afterward. With cherries.
V. not surprised over the verdict in Texas. V. upset over the verdict in San Francisco. V. v. v. upset that the post office is bumping stamp rates up to an annoying ass amount again. Just make it something even, please??? Like fifty cents. Expensive, but no penny stamps! Eradicate the penny stamp!
V. surprised that I caught myself saying "v. this" and "v. that" to my dad this past week. That's right, folks, I said V!! Not Very! V! Evil, I tell you...v. v. evil. Or perhaps that should be v^2 evil? And speaking of slang, CNN did a cute little report about how teenager jargon has changed since Sept 11th. Something about how they call a mean teacher a terrorist, and they say that a silly thing is "so september 10th". Cool little newsbyte. I miss CNN. I doped up on it while at Disney. CNN, TechTV...the two channels that I can put on the telly and just leave on...absorb through osmosis. But nevermore, quoth the raven. Maybe I will get cable back. OTOH, I accomplish so much more around here now that I don't have it. And I hated being bound by TV schedules. I almost didn't go to the Thursday night gaming group because it conflicted with Friends. And then I almost had a cow when Survivor and Friends were on the same night at the same time. I was an addict, I tell you.
Gondor saw it done. All over Disney. In the UK at Epcot in particular. I have pictures. :) Digital cameras rule.
Darn it, I knew I'd forget some of the fluff. Oh well. Suffice it to say that many fluffy things occurred...like me getting stuck in Atlanta overnight rather unexpectedly, and discussing the styles of maneki neko with a cute guy in Epcot-Japan, and having some of the best tempura I've had in quite awhile, and laying in the sunshine on a beautiful day by the water reading a book...and shopping...plenty of shopping...buying new shorts that I won't get to wear again for another month or two at least...they're awesome too. They're incredibly short. As in, if I bend over, you can probably see my undies short. That is...*if* I'm wearing that sort of undie. :) I often don't. Go perviness!
Hey, that reminds me, Roger needs a title...
Still in the midst of unpacking. It's amazing how much I can procrastinate given enough time. And being single, I pretty much have all the time in the world on Friday nights. :) Go me. ;-) Hey, I figure it's the perfect time to meet single guys at least. So anyways, I'm on the horns of several dilemmas, but sadly, they're not things I can discuss here.
Perhaps I should let y'all in on a secret... This is therapeutic for me. This is where I come to bitch and rant and to go on about how my life both rules and sucks simultaneously. And my hope has always secretly been that there will be someone out there who reads this and it helps them or makes them laugh or something...or even they just find a cool book to read or a cool song to listen to because I pointed them at it. But...mostly this exists for me. Because I like to rant, and because alot of times I don't feel right ranting to my friends. So I rant to the anonymous internet. The problem is that it isn't anonymous anymore, and technically it never was...it just made it easy for me to think of it that way. Fear not, loyal readers, this isn't a complaint. Far from it. I am always flattered and amused and overjoyed to know that people read this. As a very wise friend pointed out to me, a blog is no place to air one's dirty laundry. Plus, this is the first recreational writing I've done since I took a job that requires me to write. The blog simply has changed in purpose to me, as things must change and always will change. It's evolving. It started out as something to keep me from being bored at work, and then it just became a venting ground, and now I'm going to go back to an earlier purpose...fluff and politics (which is just fluffier fluff)
Never fear that I shall be lacking in fluff. I have a whole week's worth of fluff to catch you people up on. :) Oh, and for your vicarious pleasure, fluff does usually include enough temptuous details from my personal life to keep the perviness intact. :)
Let's see...there's a rollercoaster on top of a restaurant on top of a big huge tower in Vegas. I don't ride rollercoasters, but I saw this on the airplane's television, and it fascinated me. Plus there's a restaurant in Denver that is the highest in the world, and you have to take two gondola rides to get there, and I totally want to go there.
Let's see...there was an interview with the ever-incredible and awesome Camryn Manheim in the airline's magazine. For those who don't know, I'm an ardent fan of hers. Her autobiography, Wake Up, I'm Fat!, is outstanding. I'd recommend it to anyone. For me, reading it was like getting to know a kindred spirit, and I'm always happy when I come across someone of like mind. Anyways, there was an awesome quote in the article. Unfortunately, I can't reproduce the entire article because copyright laws are a bitch, but I can at least share the quote:
"...I felt like I had to work twice as hard as men because I'm a woman, and I had to work twice as hard as women because I'm fat... Just to be seen, I had to jump up and down. It's still an issue with men. Men want trophy girls. ... Look, I feel that I have climbed the mountain of self-acceptance, but I will tell you: It is very lonely up there, and not very many people make it to the top. And I feel angry that if I ever want to find a really serious relationship, I have to lose weight and climb back down the mountain until I can come to a plateau where more people are. ... If you didn't tell me I was fat, and men didn't tell me I was fat, I'd never even know." --Camryn Manheim, as quoted during interview by Bob Spitz in Sky Magazine, March 2002.
I could write a whole blog on this one folks. And I'm sure I will. But not immediately because I have more fluff to share before I forget it. :) I'm going to go ahead and post this sucker though so that blogger doesn't lose it. :) It's been getting pissy at me lately whenever I make large posts.
I'm home! :) Maggie is ;oqiwerpoiuas;kjhasd;has'l....walking on the keyboard and very happy to see me. :) In other news, I need to unpack, finish reading my snail mail, call a few friends and put on some pants....not necessarily in that order. I got a package from everyone's favorite MechE today. :) He sent me something blinky. :) Two blinkies actually. And I finished reading A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire series book 1) as recommended by Xnera. Halfway through A Beautiful Mind, which I highly recommend just based on what I've read so far. I have determined that I should not see the movie. I'm getting all hot and bothered over the guy just reading about him. Seeing him onscreen with the ever-hottie Russell Crowe playing him? ::swoon:: And...yes, I had a wonderful trip. Which I will share details about once I've managed to get unpacked. :)
Friday, March 15, 2002
I have packed. I have cleaned. I have sorted. I am ready to go. :)
For those of my loyal readers not already aware...I'm going on vacation. A weeklong trip to Florida to visit my dad, the point of which being to take him to DisneyWorld, because he's never been there. :) Flying out tonight...returning in a week or so. Definitely will be back by the 23rd because the first road rallye of the season is that evening. Plus I promised cute-Rob that I would be at his place for Magic Realm that day. Point being, my blogging may be minimal in the meantime.
My cat is asleep in the papasan chair...curled up on a green velvet pillow. She's adorable as always. I have a pet-sitter coming to look after her for an hour each day, but I still hate leaving her. I'm not around her near as much as I ought to be. She always tries to untie my shoes whenever she sees me leaving, and she relishes the days that I work at home so that she can pace across the keyboard only to eventually settle in my lap for a snooze.
I did manage to complete my Mines of Moria set (LotR TCG), which made me v. v. happy. It's the first entire set of any card game expansion that I've ever had. :) I haven't even completed my MTG Torment set yet (still missing three rares). I have about six rare foils, too. And I got a foil Gondor Will See It Done (see 12:21pm post on 3/14), and also a foil Speak Friend And Enter (which I suspected would be a very pretty foil...it is). Also got a foil of The Eye of Sauron, which is a picture of the flaming vagina from the movie. :) You can never have too many flaming vaginas.
I've been re-reading Friday, which is the first Heinlein novel that I ever read. Let's see...I read it while my mom was attending her college reunion...don't know which one...but I'm thinking that I was like 13-14 at the time...hmm...maybe it was her 15th? Because she had me about 2 years after she graduated...she graduated in three years with 2 majors, because she rules. :)
Anyways, I'm having a curiosity moment re: the book right now...so if you've read the book, keep reading. If you haven't...well, this isn't going to make much sense to you and might be a spoiler, but not really because it's not anything crucial to the plot.
Remember how Friday's S-group divorces her, and then later she contacts them to try to find Boss? Former husband (Brian? Did RAH just have something against Brians? Or is my memory combining asshole-husband-characters? I know Mo's eventually-ex-husband was Brian.) says that Friday blackmailed them, broke up the family, etc etc. We all know that she did no such thing. But who did? Was it a plot by Anita (as Friday suspected), or maybe something else? I'm having a separate suspicion as to the perpetrator, which I'll share on the forum with anyone who bothers to post there in response to this.
I decided this was a good time to re-read it, too...because just last night, I hit the part about Red Thursday, and it struck a chord with me. I've been pondering on Sept 11th lately. My initial ponderings on it were purely emotional...then later, strategic and political...and now, I'm kinda back to emotional but in a more analytical way. I'm sure most of you have heard of the stages of dealing with a crisis. If nothing else, Homer Simpson did a wonderful illustration of them in one of the later episodes...narrated by Lisa. :) Goes something like Denial, Anger, Acceptance...well, there's more than that. And modern psychological theory pretty much says that yeah, there's stages, but there's no order in how you go through them, and you may repeat them...so basically, there's no point in thinking to yourself "oh, I've hit Anger now...great! I'm progressing beautifully!". Anyways...I think in some ways I'm still recovering from that. They did a special on it on TV and I avoided it intentionally. Nevermind that I don't really watch TV anyways. I had offers from friends to watch it with them, but the last thing I wanted was to see it all again. I'm rambling. My point was that I reacted similarly to the character Friday to a similar crisis, and that was a little odd to read now. You ever wonder how much of who you are is defined by the books you read? Or the things you watch or whatever? That's the kind of thing that I love to question. My little brain just goes nuts over questioning reality, personality, and anything else I can question. :) So the thing I'm wondering now is...did I react that way because it's a normal way to react? Or was it because I have been influenced by one of my favorite authors and his perception of how a woman would react? I'm leaning toward the former, but it's still interesting to ponder. The reason I'm leaning toward the former, in part, is because I read quite a few articles in the weeks following about people doing the same as what I did. Salon.com had an awesome one on the inclination to have sex just after a tragedy. (And in case you haven't figured it out by now...that's pretty much what I did) I personally am wondering if we're going to see an unusual surge in June 2002 babies. Should be interesting.
But then I'm the type of person who enjoys graphing the distributions of various types of MTG cards (direct damage vs. creatures vs...). Leads to all sorts of interesting stuff. I loved Calc-based Prob&Stat in college. In fact, my two favorite advanced math classes were Prob&Stat and Linear Algebra. Linear Algebra just rocked because we were planning paths in n-space...I mean...we tend to think of things in 3 or 4 dimensions...imagine a world in 20 dimensions...and graph stuff in it. Ooh...just makes me get all randy to think about it. I'm such a geek. :) I mean, how many chicks do you know who get turned on primarily by coding, gaming, upgrading computers, and graphing things in 20 some odd dimensions? ;-) One of my favorite flings at Tulane was with a guy who had a similar penchant. Every time we'd have a C++ project, we'd end up in one of our dorm rooms for the night...um, compiling. ;-) I remember one time I just about raped R1 (symbolically, not literally) after he went off on how two video cards compared to each other and what games they'd be better for, etc etc. :) Ah, those were the days...I mean, college was like heaven.
Okie...gotta go to airport......end of blog! :) ttyl!! :)
Thursday, March 14, 2002
Gondor Will See It Shiny!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :)
I will not keep xnera up until the wee hours of the morning on a school night. I understand that even though xnera is a night person, she needs her sleep. I acknowledge that if xnera does not get enough sleep, she gets an upset tummy, becomes cranky, and is late to work. Since I want xnera to be healthy, happy, and punctual, I will let her go to bed at a decent hour.
You're welcome. :)
Wednesday, March 13, 2002
I'm taking a few minutes on my lunch break to blog because I think I'm going to make it my personal mission in life to see the DMCA get overturned, and I've felt this way for awhile, but I just haven't gotten around to posting it on here yet. Great article on salon.com today, Chained Melodies, regarding the new copy protection strategies and laws we're going to start seeing.
I respect an artist's right to get paid. I do not respect a major label and distribution company's right to charge $20 for a CD that costs them, all payments to artist and promotionals included, a little under fifty cents to make. Is it any wonder that they have the kind of funds such that they can dump huge amounts of cash into Congress' pockets? And the DMCA, while it seems good in intent, is an abomination and shouldn't be tolerated under our constitution as written. The DMCA doesn't just make it illegal to copy...it makes it illegal to discuss how copying could be accomplished. I know of at least three court cases where people are being prosecuted for putting code on their website. One case involves the algorithm for breaking DVD encryption, which a professor provided on his website as an example of decrypting technology for his students. This isn't a crime. This is prosecution against the possibility of a crime happening. If someone makes copies of DVDs and sells them to people using that algorithm...fine, prosecute them. However, the DMCA makes a dangerous precedent in that it criminalizes knowledge and the communication of knowledge. Unacceptable. Under a strict constructionist approach to the Constitution, it violates so many items...right to privacy and freedom of speech for starters...that the act itself should never have been allowed to pass. However, it exists, and it will continue to exist, because in this area, we are not represented. The MPAA is represented, and the RIAA is represented...but you and me...joe consumer...we have no voice in this process. Our only options are to either forgo the purchase of CDs and movies...thus denying ourselves entertainment *or* criminalizing ourselves by obtaining it for free....or to continue to feed the beasts. It does not help that we have lawyers deciding our fates here. Lawyers know the law and thus it is all well and good for them to be involved in lawmaking, but we need representation that understands the issues associated with digital media...that understands the implications of the DMCA, for example, on the development of new code, new encoding algorithms, and consumer safety.
There's a reason I'm a wannabe lawyer, and that's it. I am sick and tired of seeing my fate decided by someone who doesn't know what the hell he's talking about.
Tuesday, March 12, 2002
Okay, not really...but I thought it was cute. :)
Will NOT put another notch in my bedpost tonight. Will NOT put another notch in my bedpost tonight. Not not not not not not not. No no no no no.
Ergh. Song of today: Closer by Nine Inch Nails
Such an addict I am...but honestly...the urge is melting. Something else I'm wanting these days. But darn it, he's tempting me. And he's good at it. And I haven't done anything in nearly a month now. Maybe I will make a notch. :) Notches are good, right? Actually, I'm missing an arrangement I used to have...perfect little friends with benefits deal. Exactly what I like to have. But...it got complicated because other people around us made a big deal out of that being all we were. Plus, he lied to me. Twice. About crucial matters. It's not like I want it to be with him...but... ::sigh:: But, I'm missing the comfort and convenience of the friends with benefits deal. Cry on shoulder, get laid, go about your business...never have to worry about commitments or kids or issues or anything...still get to flirt with anyone I want to flirt with...and have someone to call at night who not only knows you well but um...knows you well in the biblical sense. Cake and eating it too. Speaking of Cake...thinking I'll listen to that for awhile.
Monday, March 11, 2002
Soundtrack of the day: Moulin Rouge.
Someday I'll Fly Away... :)
The greatest lesson you'll ever learn
is just to love, and be loved in return.
Bloody hell.
Blogger went down during the send of my last post and fragged it...and I had already closed the text editor where I had it stored. It was really great too. But I'll try to sum up:
I've decided who I'm voting for in the Mar 19th primary, presuming I get to vote for all of these people. In South Carolina, you had to choose a party during the primary and you only got to vote for that one party...which sucks for me because I tend to split my ticket (as y'all will see).
Governor: Paul Vallas (D)
Lt. Gov: William O'Connor (R)
Attorney General: Kris Cohn (R)
Supreme Court: Sue Myerscough (D)
Senator: Jim Oberweis (R)
I won't be voting until Thursday (absentee balloting, doing it early, b/c I'll be out of town on the 19th), so if any of you loyal readers want to point out flaws to me in these folks, you have two days. My sources for the decisions were The Chicago Sun-Times Election Guide, and candidate websites. My main concerns were abortion rights, economic stance, gun ownership rights, and general adherence to the Bill of Rights as I read it, in that order. The most pain in the ass decision was Senator, because I don't like any of them. Oberweis gets it for being a businessman rather than a lawyer, plus his site was straightforward, and Durbin's wasn't. If I have to choose, I'll probably go Republican because it's more important to me to get liberal Republicans on the ballot than conservative Democrats.
And...my original post was significantly longer and went into the whys and wherefores for choosing each candidate...but I don't have time or energy to reproduce it.
In other news, I had a doctor's appt today and thus my right hand is now all sore and bruised from drawing blood. Mousing has become a challenge. :) But I got allegra samples, and I went by Barnes & Noble afterward for frappucino (which always makes me happy) and to pick up a book to read. It's one I've read before but seem to be forgetting...and I'm always looking for excuses to go pick up the Heinlein novels that I don't own yet (I wasn't motivated to buy them until I moved to Illinois as my mom had a fairly well stocked Heinlein shelf).
Just wanted to let y'all know that Xnera and I are about to take a shower together...and oh yes, Gondor is definitely seeing it done.
Stop drooling on the keyboard. ;-)
Synchronized showering, soon to be coming to an Olympics near you.
Sunday, March 10, 2002
Citibank rules. I know this is an unpopular opinion, but hear me out. They have the most polite ATMs I've ever worked with, plus they set them up at various heights so that they're convenient for all cars. And they page you when cool stuff happens to your account. And you see, I'm a very all-in-one type of person. If I can get multiple functionality out of one person, company, or device, I'm all for that. I have two companies right now that are multifunctional...Citibank and AT&T. They both rule, but this is about Citibank. :) So anyways...I just had to praise. I criticize things alot. Like don't buy computers from Alienware anymore...their quality went to hell about 2 years ago. And I haven't been at all happy with my vtech phone. But today, I praise. Go Citibank! :)
Well, I fixed the Blog Archives (yay!). So now y'all can easily read everything that has happened since I first started this blog on January 30th. :)
Song that is stuck in my head today: "You Owe Me Nothing" by Alanis Morissette
Well, I've just about given up on Serious Sam...I mean it's an awesome game to play co-op online, but it seems like the minorest change in my system causes it to stop working until I reinstall display drivers, reinstall directx, and reinstall glsetup. Grr. I think I need to install Homeworld. I bought it a long time ago, and I still haven't gotten around to playing it.
In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do re: working out. I'm truly sick of aerobics and step. Need something new. I'm thinking of going to my apartment complex's gym and doing something there...like the bike machines or the stair steppers or something...while I read...that way I'm being mentally and physically stimulated so maybe that will work. Also, the weather is getting nicer gradually, so soon I'll be able to start going on bike rides again...I miss doing my off-road bike rides in the forest preserve...getting all muddy and adventurous. Oh, that reminds me...check out my favorite personality test...I'm a Discoverer. I remember something about R1 being a White Knight. Don't know any of the other possibilities.
I'm thinking of doing horseback riding this spring. The stables are conveniently located, but it's fairly expensive. I'll probably decide after I get back from Disney (as with so many other things like whether or not I'm going to buy series tickets for the symphony again). Anyways...I need to catch up on e-mail to the various people who as of yet do not read this blog. :) Back to the dungeons...
Saturday, March 09, 2002
Twenty-One Things I Want In A Lover:
1. Intelligence...and a particular breed of it at that. I want someone who reads as voraciously as I do (hopefully a few crucial authors too...but I'll make that a separate requirement), who can appreciate the theatre and the symphony, but can also appreciate a good game...I don't want pretentiousness...I just want the ability to deal with complex subjects...computer experience preferred. :) I don't think I could stand a guy I couldn't trust around my computer lol
2. Must be competitive and ambitious, but not so much that he gets pissy if he loses (especially when he loses to me, because it will happen)...basically he should want to be the best him that he can be...same as I want to be the best me I can be.
3. On the kids issue...I'm not really sure I want them. I do know that if I have them, I want to do it right, which means at least one of us stays home with them until they're school age at least...and probably until they're old enough to come home alone...and that's the reason I'm not sure I want them. I only want to do it if I can do it right. I don't want to be one of those people who does it for self-gratification. But I also don't have a huge urge to have them. I think I could live my life without it. Debatable issue though. So long as he's open to the debate, that's fine with me.
4. Must be pretty darned sexually open, or else he's going to get put off by me really quick. Can't be scared by my um, lack of purity. Should be open to experimentation within reason.
5. Must be an awesome kisser. I miss kissing. That's the one thing I hardly ever get to do.
6. Should enjoy cuddling during thunderstorms.
7. Crucial authors: Heinlein, Shakespeare...an appreciation of other things such as LotR, Harry Potter...openness to being exposed to non-crucial authors like Tom Robbins, L. Neil Smith, Spider Robinson, Milton...
8. Appreciation for pop culture is nice too...I mean, I'm not super-poppy..I don't go nuts over boy bands...but I don't totally disdain it as I've seen so many other annoying pretentious snobby intellectual types do. Must appreciate the simpsons. Bonus points for knowledge of Star Trek TNG, The Tick, and random eclectic movies like Labyrinth.
9. Must be open to pets, particularly cats.
10. Must enjoy my cuteness. Must enjoy that I like having snowball fights and running through sprinklers and sticking my arms out in the air and letting the wind blow my coat so that I feel like it's a cape and I'm some dashing adventurer. :)
11. Oh yeah...appreciation for Japanese language/culture/etc is a big huge plus. So is wanting to travel.
12. And I know this sounds shallow, but I don't want to be the sole support...and I don't want to have to feel guilty for having money or buying things...so I want him to make around the same amount I do or more. I know...I know...but still...most couples break up over money issues. I don't want there to be money issues.
13. Definitely has to be able to hold up his side in an argument/debate. I can't stand people who give up.
14. Late night person. Obviously. Otherwise, we're going to have issues.
15. Most important quality: Must be as crazy about me as I am about him. Must be able to handle me flirting with other guys, but express jealousy in the form of mad crazy up-a-wall sex later. :) And same for me vice versa, 'cause that's what I do. :)
16. Need someone who can handle me, and that's a taller order than it seems. I'm strong willed and independent, but that doesn't mean I don't need rescuing on occasion...and I need someone who knows how to do it. I need someone who can make me laugh when I'm in tears, and who can make me hope when it's all going to hell.
17. OMG, I can't believe I'm only just now getting to politics. I want someone of the Libertarian philosophy...party affiliation I don't care about. But gotta respect the bill of rights. Gotta believe in personal freedom.
18. Obviously, has to be a gamer. I mean, otherwise, he'll be awfully bored at GenCon.
19. Thrill seeking without being totally insane. Someone someday is going to have to make me get on a roller coaster. And he can't get freaked when we go on the tornado-chasing vacation.
20. Can't mind me singing in the car. Definitely can't mind that I love to sing along with the radio and CDs. No idea whether or not I really sing well. Never have asked for an opinion on it...have been occasionally told good things. Don't really care. I'm going to do it either way.
21. Not into organized religion. Spirituality is one thing. And I definitely have beliefs normally attributed to a religion. But I'm not sure I could tolerate a weekly religious gathering.
There ya go. :) 21 things. :) Subject to change of course.
Oh yeah, and should say bless you when I sneeze. Bonus points for identifying that quote. :)
Friday, March 08, 2002
Been re-orged again...ugh ugh ugh. I hate having to deal with a new manager. I just got all nicely in good with the one I got back in October. ::sigh:: And I liked having a manager in another state. I managed myself for the most part, which is how I like things. I spent alot of time telecommuting during my formative years. :) I work best when I'm not being watched over...if I'm being checked up on too much, I get pissy. ::sigh:: But...such is life. We'll see how it goes. I resented getting a new manager back in October too, but he turned out to be awesome. Goodness, has this been a week of changes or what?? Are all of you readers getting tennis match neck yet? I'm just having one massive mess of a week, I guess. Bloody hell. Resisting the urge to go make another notch in the bedpost. So far, I'm averaging 1.065 a year. Not too shabby really. But...I'm only good for sex and friendship anyways, so it's not really surprising. Tons of friends, tons of sex...none of the good combination of the two. But I can't complain too much...I mean, I've got it better than most. It's just one of those things...you get your life all straightened out in every other area...you want to make that last one work so bad that you're willing to screw yourself in the process. And not in the good pervy way. But on the other hand...all messes are gradually clearing themselves up and I'm soon to be back to where I was. At this point that's a good thing albeit disappointing. And I'm going to have to start being girly on Thursday nights again...ugh. You know, I've been listening to Alanis lately, and the first song on her CD is "twenty-one things that i want in a lover"...I think I need to make that list up. Should be interesting reading at least. :)
Thursday, March 07, 2002
Well, I know what I'm going to be doing on my sleepless nights now: The Bodacion Challenge. There's a sweet 100K in the deal for the winner.
Song of the day: When Doves Cry...but not the sappy Prince version...the hardcore Baz Luhrmann remix version with the bass that makes my back window vibrate so hard it looks like it's going to fall out. :) Maybe I'm just too demanding...maybe I'm just like my father too bold...maybe I'm just like my mother...she's never satisfied...
Speaking of being like one's parents...totally empathize with Xander from this week's Buffy. Would do the same thing.
Resisting urge to play CounterStrike...aaaahhhh....
On the plus side, we're getting our bonuses at work a week early...woohoo! :) No more brokeness for me! :) Yay!!!
Wednesday, March 06, 2002
Been v. naughty today. Definitely deserve sound spanking. :) Any volunteers?
Bought Serious Sam 2, new Alanis CD...and have decided that I will be replacing my busted subwoofer with the new Logitech THX certified speaker set. Bwah ha ha...I pity my neighbors. :)
Song currently stuck in my head (and feeling it is v. appropriate also):
your faith in me brings me to tears
even after all these years
and it pains me so much to tell
that you don't know me that well
and though my love is rare
though my love is true
i'm like a bird, i'll only fly away
i don't know where my soul is
i don't know where my home is
i'm like a bird, i'll only fly away...
Tuesday, March 05, 2002
We rule: US Remains The World's Sexual Superpower
Okay, I believe in a little bit of physics now, but only because Andrew (A*) took the time to go through and tell me all of the complicated things that make classic physics more accurate.
Played Serious Sam tonight. Millions of frogs are attacking me! AAAAAHHHHH!
Oh...I'm told that only a MechE can truly convince someone of the existence of Physics. :)
Interesting sidenote...I do have faith in Quantum Mechanics. Makes perfect sense to me. Go figure.
Yes, R1, you rule, too. :) You rule 'cause you mirrored the Weeee! video (and if you look in the "other sites" section, I linked to your mirror of it). And you rule 'cause you taught me stuff and didn't laugh at my non-belief of physics. lol And 'cause you helped me get to sleep last night which is not something I've done very well for around 1-2 weeks. :)
can't believe you're jealous of Wil Wheaton...tsk tsk tsk... :)
Really really bored right now. Working on compiling a giant compendium of MTG info...card lists, tournament rules, and how to distinguish expansions. Will have to motivate myself to stay late at work one of these days to print it all out. And it doesn't help that I'm having a giant downer right now. See the 12:20am post. Feeling horrible over that. Pissed at myself for having a downer when I really don't have a good valid reason except for just good ol' pity partying. Very much of the "no one loves me everybody hates me guess I'll go eat worms" state of mind, plus I blew out my subwoofer last night so now I need to go buy a new one...except that I'm about as broke as I get right now (I'm never really totally broke, but I am right now at a point where I can't justify spending money on anything...I'm even considering ditching my symphony ticket for this saturday because the parking is so expensive). Also really wanting to go shopping in general but can't for same reason. Need to find hope again...I know it's around here somewhere. Probably either in the kitchen or under the pile of laundry that I still haven't put away. Feeling very Job-like...like my will is being tested. Oh, so you think you're tolerant? Let's throw something really f-ed up your way and see how you handle it. You think you're generous? Let's take something really awesome from you and hand it to someone else. You think you're centered? Let's reduce you to a sniveling mess with a few well-chosen IMs. You think you're a good friend? Let's have you totally screw over someone who was willing to do whatever it took to make you happy. I've been reduced to the lowest common denominator.
And I don't believe in physics. It just doesn't make sense. F=MA is just someone getting slaphappy with translating common sense into math. It's conveniently proven, not convincingly. And it ignores all sorts of other highly important factors. R1 last night told me that the problem is that I never got past classical physics...that what I'm wanting is the higher level physics because classical physics isn't covering reality very well. Quite possible. But in the meantime, I'm denying Physics' right to be a science. Chemistry I can prove...I can test it and make it work. Geology is classification. These are sciences. Physics is just a fabrication of a bunch of humans who haven't a clue how things really are and are trying to explain it in a way that makes them comfortable. It's like a religion, not a science.
And up until last night, I couldn't do bin to hex conversion (or hex to bin conversion) to save my life. But now I can. Yay. Go me.
Whoa...Wil Wheaton knows the Weeeee! video too. Damn, he rules. :) Alright, last post until daylight, promise.
Well, just to add to the downward spiral, I managed to get a very good friend into a mess. Great.
Score for TK = -40,000,000,000,000. All of you loyal readers...run away. Time for me to go play Quake.
Monday, March 04, 2002
Have to share a little Joe-work cocoa break humor. :)
Okay, so have you ever noticed how trees don't get fooled by unseasonable weather? Joe and I were noticing this today during one of our mid-afternoon cocoa breaks. If it gets warm for a few weeks, the trees aren't fooled. They know better. They don't start generating leaves again until it's really truly spring. Same with fall. You never see a tree get caught off-guard by a cold week. And then that reminded me of an article in Discover magazine this month about plants using various chemical excretions in the air to communicate, warn each other of predators and such. So then Joe says:
But then there's that one dumb tree on the end of the forest who gets fooled by it all, so he calls up the other trees and says "hey, don't change yet! It's not really spring!" And the other trees just laugh at him and go "dumbass"
:) LOL... :) I just about fell off my chair I was laughing so hard. My friends friggin' rule. :)
Okay, we've had several suggestions for the naming of the flirtation/seduction horse...posting them here for comments and discussion, and I'll add to the list as it grows. :)
Sparky...good ol' Sparky...I don't know...it made sense at the time, but not as cool as the other suggestions...
Bill the Horse: Okay this seems like a LotR thing but it isn't. Who's everyone's favorite alltime philanderer and flirtation/seduction expert? Bill Clinton! So Bill the Horse is short for Bill Clinton the Wonder Horse.
Bed The Horse: Hopping on Bed just sounds like fun. Dragging A* onto Bed sounds like even more fun. :)
And the current forerunner and favorite: TABLES the HORSE of DESTINY!!! :)
Well, no more PRF-ing for me :) I was so totally busted on Sunday. :) As really expected and hoped...
But all is well...had a therapeutic watching of LotR shortly thereafter, during which I pretty much cried it out of my system...plus, as mentioned a few posts down, I've been pretty convinced all along that there was nothing 2-sided going on...I was just enjoying the thought that there might be. But...I've transferred...have new crush that actually has had much longer term...on extremely awesome guy...hey, wait, I'm having a MechE fascination or something...just realized that...as R* was MechE and current crush is also MechE...they just rule or something. New crush...A* :)...has been on the sidelines for quite awhile...heck, something like six years now...and I've gone in and out of crush on him so many times it's silly. :) But...he's long distance so at least that's a little safer. Less net-stalking to do too since I already know him. And best part...he thinks I rule. :) And I really really need someone to think I rule right now. :) And dude, heck, I would have gone after A* a long time ago if I'd had the chance, but sadly, there was something interfering...interference is gone. Time for TK to hop back on the flirtation/seduction horse. Woohoo!
Saturday, March 02, 2002
The emotion swing of my Friday, starting at 12:01am and ending at 11:59pm, vastly resembles one of those funky differential equations from calc 3. oooh, ooh...no, one of the linear algebra graphs we used to do in five and six dimensions...I miss six dimensional math. :( The PRFing continues...damn it, why does he have to be so darned cool? And be good at everything that matters? And know physics? Evil.
Friday, March 01, 2002
This was supposed to get posted around 1pm yesterday afternoon, but blogger went down. :(
More in the ongoing saga of TK's life....in case you hadn't already heard enough. :) But hey, this might even get political before it's done.
Awhile back...something like early to mid December of 2001...I broke things off with a friend over a difference in political viewpoint. That's not normal for me. I'm very much of the "to each his own" point of view. But the difference was that this friend thought that women were inferior both mentally and physically and that women should never be put in a management position over men. And this is a friend I work with, so the topics came up alot. Call me crazy, but I just can't stomach being friends with someone who thinks I'm inferior because I don't happen to have dangly bits between my thighs. I understand that I'm exceptional (and that isn't meant to be nearly as arrogant as it sounds) in that I'm not into typical girl-things...I know cars as well as I know malls, I have no clue about make-up, I'm a computer geek and a gamer. I read sci-fi. And well, I'm reasonably intelligent, or at least, I score well on standardized tests and am generally accepted by my peers as intelligent. I like to go around shooting things and playing war. And because of those things, this friend liked to use the excuse that since I'm not a typical girl, his statements didn't apply to me and thus I shouldn't be offended by them. But I am offended by them. It doesn't matter that I know they're wrong when applied to me; it's still offensive to me as a woman to have someone tell me that my intellectual ability is worth less than theirs simply because I'm a woman. His attitudes are what makes my life and my career a constant challenge. Unlike him, I don't have the luxury of going into a job interview on equal footing with my competitors. It's immediately assumed that since I'm a chick, I can't possibly know the difference between AND and NAND...and that I can't possibly kick ass in Quake, UT, and CS. I don't get a chance to prove them wrong most of the time. I'm dismissed the moment it becomes apparent that I have boobs.
The very idea of having a friend who would dismiss me in a job interview because I'm female...well, it appalls me. How can he consider himself a friend to me, or any woman? I can't lend support to him any more than I could buy things from a company that I knew had his views. Thus, I can't be a good friend to him, and so I ended it.
I'll grant that things ended badly. He started going off on the "all women are stupid" bit while we were lunching in the company cafe with a mutual friend. I waited patiently for him to finish. I'm sure smoke was coming out of my ears. I said very calmly "are you finished?"
"Yes."
"Good. Do you have the money you owe me from the other night?"
"Yes" (fetches money from his pocket)
"Thanks. I'm outta here."
And those were the last words I said to him. Blocked him from my AIM list. Blocked him from my MSN list. End of story. I didn't want to yell at him. I didn't want to say what I felt like saying...definitely didn't want to do what I felt like doing (that being printing out several copies of his e-mails espousing such views and leave them randomly in certain
