Welcome to TsuKata's Org*
This is the first time I've owned a domain, so I'm kinda just having fun with it right now. I work a full-time job, and I have a full-time life so chances are that by the time I finish doing something, it's out of date. Have patience, and most of all, have fun!
Got questions? Got problems? Got milk? Then e-mail me 'cause my milk, as always, has gone bad.
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Sunday, May 19, 2002
She's got legs...
Andrew had a wonderful analogy for me a few days ago. He told me that it's like we're all tables, and we have lots of legs. Sometimes we lose a leg, and maybe even a main supporting leg, so we're wobbly for awhile...and we tip over easily...and you can't balance very much on us...and we lean that much harder on the other legs until we regain our stability...but a place for the lost leg is always there.
I'm doing much better now than I was Friday...that's for sure. As you can probably guess...I spent most of that day sobbing...the rest of it I spent on the phone with various friends and family, sharing the news and sharing the pain. I re-read the Callahan Chronicals by Spider Robinson (highly recommended, especially in times of need). There's a thing in there too...about the Laws of Conservation for Pain and Joy...and that while Pain and Joy must be conserved, they can also be transferred and possibly even exchanged. Let me amend in that I am not okay. I am a mess. But I'm supposed to be so I guess that's okay.
Tonia just called...it looks like I will be heading to New Orleans on the 26th...they're going to try to have the funeral on the 28th. Jenn is taking the kitten. Hm. Okay, don't be selfish and mean. No selfish. No mean. Good that she is going to take care of Junior. Poor kitten has been through enough. Does not need trauma of long distance travel. Calm. Calm. I guess I had just...I was already working on ways to go out there and drive back with Junior. But...she was important to him, too...and...i guess it's okay...her cat did have the kitten after all. Oh damn. I'm crying again. Well, I thought I was better. Okay, back. Not that any time passed in blog-land, but still...I'm going to be like this for awhile folks. Don't be surprised if the blog takes a downward turn. I'm tipping over easily, and I'm leaning on all those other legs. Definitely leaning. I'm a horrible inconvenience right now. And I'm wearing black underwear. :) And that makes sense to anyone who knew him and me and how we worked. :) About those legs...thank you...all of you...I will say that...I have never been so close to suicide...even in my dark teenager days...as I was on Friday...I just wanted to be with him again...I totally understand about the widows throwing themselves on the funeral pyre...except I'm not a widow, but point being...everyone called. Everyone wrote. IMmed. Checked on me. And...without all those other legs being there, I wouldn't be as "better" as I am. I don't ever want to have to return the favor for any of you, but it is inevitable...death and taxes, after all. Being a table doesn't stop you from being a leg...and pain shared can be transmuted into joy. Thank you again. ::hugs::
Friday, May 17, 2002
Last words.
TsuKata: babycakes, I just heard from Tonia. :-( You're still online...she told me they found you in front of the computer. Maybe some part of you is in that computer :-) you always loved tinkering with it...I love you, okay? I love you so much. I am so sorry for anything I ever did to hurt you. I never thought I would lose you.
TsuKata: That was my own stupidity. I should have lost you by you ditching me long ago, not this way. I want you to know that I will remember you forever. You were the best times of my life, and I will miss you. Wherever you are, be careful. There's a million things your family is going to be doing over the next few days. I'm going to try to help out as much as I can. For once, I wish I had stayed in New Orleans!!!
TsuKata: I love you, I love you, I love you. I never wanted to live without you. I hope you knew that. I think you knew it better than I did sometimes. :-) Anyways, I'm IMming because if there's a way of finding you, I figure this is it
TsuKata: God, I've been missing you for four days now...I've been worried sick, but I still never worried about this.
TsuKata: I was about to say "I miss you" and then I'm like, well, I've been missing you...and anyone who checks your phone messages is going to know that. Babycakes...they don't know what happened to you yet. Tonia is going to fly out there soon. All I know is that for four days I've been trying to get a hold of you, and this morning, Tonia called and let me know you were gone the forever way. They found you in front of the computer. And since you've been online this whole time...I'm guessing you must have passed away sometime on Tuesday.
TsuKata: I wish I had gotten to talk to you one last time, but isn't that what people in my situation always say? All I know is that I am happy for every moment we shared, even when we were fighting, because you are the one person who I think about calling whenever something happens...you've been my best friend for so long that I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I miss you. now and probably for a long long time.
TsuKata: Oh god Ryan, why couldn't you stay with us...what in the fuck kind of world is it where someone like you dies at fucking twenty three years old...
TsuKata: Yeah, I'm angry too. Angry and sad and unhappy.
You'd probably laugh at me right now and say that I'm silly and to stop thinking about it and just be happy, but damn it, it's not that easy.
TsuKata: One of these days you'll go offline.
TsuKata: And...I don't know, but all I can think is that I feel like my heart is gone. Like I can't breathe. I want to curl up in a ball and cry until it brings you back. But I know it doesn't work that way. But all I can think is why. why why why. and please please please. And worry about what will happen next.
Tuesday, May 14, 2002
Willow rules!
No spoilers on here though...but willow rules! She rules, I tell you, she rules! :)
Monday, May 13, 2002
La Resistance goes on!
Amazing how the South Park movie still cracks me up. :) Watched it today while dozing. Feeling slightly better now. Finished up my AOL work while listening to the Spiderman soundtrack, and went ahead and posted some auctions on ebay...click this link if you want to see them. So far, it's just my spare rares from the FotR set of LotR. Spare rares from the MoM expansion will be going up later this week...and eventually a random collection of other stuff that I've got laying around here being useless. I made a pretty auction template though, which was cool. Been feeling very coder lately...and I want to re-install System Shock 2, and I'm trying to decide whether to start Thief from scratch or try to remember WTF I was trying to do in my savegame. :) Decisions, decisions...
Sick and pitiful
Stayed home from work today. :( Not sure if it's strep or just a bad cold...will find out tomorrow. Blah.
I say nothing...
Sunday, May 12, 2002
Testing...
I just changed the menu over from an iframe to SSI...let me know if you have issues...
Also played with the colors...
And I fiddled with some message boards that would be based here instead of over on ezboard. So far, I'm leaning toward Yabb mainly because it is free. I like phpbb better as far as maintenance goes, but it requires MySQL to run, and that would cost me an extra $46 per year. I'm not sure it's worth $46 per year when I can get the same functionality out of yabb, and yabb is Perl-based, so I can read the code and mod it heavily if I choose. I mean, heck, if I'm going to pay yearly, I might as well just stick with ezboard...
Also added link over there. I think I should go to bed now. :) I'm getting a bit too slaphappy with the page updating...G'night :) (ps - it's now 1:40am...I've been updating this as I made each update to the site lol)
Friday, May 10, 2002
Tired. Zzzzz...
I want to sleep. Really really bad. Was up until like 3something in the morning...mainly due to peace negotiations with medrvstang. Wild to me that it was necessary to basically have something resembling a divorce settlement with terms and so on and so forth before I could feel like I wasn't going to have to worry about being screwed with on a daily basis. Have plenty of opinions of how that went, but frankly, I'm too tired to give a damn. You probably are, too.
Generally beginning to think that I should start following instincts more. Social propriety and thinking-too-hard trips me up way too much. Instincts told me alot of things way before they got beaten into my head at a later date. But...as previously noted way way down there, am at roughly twenty-three years of existence...and am still learning. probably will still be learning at 33 and 43 and 53 and 63 and well, you get the picture. Should have figured out that when someone does things to some people, said person will probably pull the same BS on you at a later date. Seems basic, but the basic stuff is always the worst. Can do indefinite integrals, but can't subtract reliably without a calculator. Can't even count reliably without paper, as was proven during Ricochet Robot last night. :) "I can do it in 12 moves! no, 13 moves! No, make that 11 moves! Oh fuck, just let me count again."
Speaking of gaming, I did get to go...admittedly, I was late getting there, but I managed to get done with work at 8-8:30pm...the builds are getting easier: very good sign. Bought heroclix figures. Want more of them. Evil game. I have Blade. :) And Professor X. And Wolverine. And Cyclops. And random other people. Problem is that figurines cost much more than cards. $8 per pack for four. Ouch. Normally pay $4 per pack for 8-12 cards depending on the game/expansion. But...I can do three packs per week comfortably...especially since the new LotR expansion doesn't come out until July (right before Origins...more ouch).
Realized something else last night while gaming. I'm melding groups. I didn't used to do that...quite intentionally kept all groups separate. And it's causing issues for me. I don't know how to socialize with people from separate groups simultaneously. Anyone else familiar with this issue? I know it's me...I read once about how some tribe in the south pacific has little idols for each "face" of your personality...your family face, your outward face, etc. Jung talked about it alot, too. Anyways, I talk about different things, act differently to some extent, around different groups. It's still the same me at the core, but the shine on it is a bit different. The problem I kept running into last night is that it's like I'm switching constantly, and I can only focus on one "persona" at a time so it throws me off a good bit. It's like...ever taken a boyfriend home to meet parents? You're suddenly putting on the parental-face but you're with the boyfriend so there's also the boyfriend face...and it's like you have to balance between the two in order to keep from throwing the people around you off. Okay, the more I talk about this, the more it sounds worse than it is...the point being, it's something I'm noticing and I'm curious about it. Must analyze. Processing data. ... ... ...
Helluva day.
Y'know what...whatever. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. But point being, I want to publish again, and I suspect blogger is going to be pissy about it. Let's see...
Wednesday, May 08, 2002
Blah.
Well, this is turning out to be a shitty day. I had a monstrous headache, still do...and well, granted, on one hand, it's a good day because work is going well, work friends are being cool as always...but we're all trying to coordinate schedules to see Star Wars next weekend, and having a helluva time doing so considering that I have plans for Saturday night (which I probably would not have made if I had realized it was SW opening weekend) and I really want to go to gaming on Thursday night since I won't be going this week...and Angela has classes on Friday night and so on and so forth. We're just all busy people. Sucks. Also have road rally on that Sunday. And then, on top of headache and star wars planning mess, I had to deal with a temper tantrum from medrvstang. Great. As usual, I tried to do the right thing by asking him what was up and how he was doing and got my head bitten off as a result...and why? Because he can't hold his own in a message board fight that he started. ::shrug:: Oh well. Fuck it. Sorry y'all...I have very little tolerance for that sort of thing. I'm all for free speech, but you also have to take responsibility for what you say...and if you can't handle that, then shut the hell up. Gotta go. Meeting.
Tuesday, May 07, 2002
Birthchart Apparatus
Thought it was on here somewhere...and I'm just getting back from lunch and between meetings so might as well go ahead and get it up here...will get moved to a separate page later. :)
For those who are clueless, a birth chart shows how the planets and the stars were arranged in the hemisphere at the precise time of your birth. It's theorized that this arrangement has some effect on your personality, which I tend to agree with mainly because it makes sense that the gravitational and magnetic effects of the planets on the earth could affect the way our own physical makeup is defined. I think that it may have more to do with time of conception/development than time of birth...I have noted that babies who were born early or late don't quite line up with their signs as well as those who were roughly on time...so I suspect that a true reading would be based on the stages of development in the womb. At any rate...here's my chart...Libra is my sun sign, Pisces ascendant...Moon in Capricorn, and you might also notice the fact that all my planets are on one half of the chart...that also causes some effects. And I'm actually air sign with water rising...my bad. I used to think I was air/earth because I had the wrong time of birth noted for myself. My moon sign is an earth sign though which is still a strong influence, and my medium coeli is capricorn which is earth (and the sign I originally thought was rising...my original reading had me as an aquarius/capricorn cusp on the ascendant). Medium Coeli is the face that you present to the world. But anyways, that is one thing...my chart is very balanced, which makes me that much more resoundingly Libra. But enough rambling...if you want to learn more about how to read this, I can recommend a couple of books or you can go to http://www.astrology.com. :)
Quizzes rule.
Well, my initial quiz came out as this one:
find your element at mutedfaith.com.<º>
But, when I went back and adjusted answers for things I was uncertain about, I seemed to mostly come out as this one:
find your element at mutedfaith.com.<º>
I don't know...they're both pretty darned accurate, I think. And it makes sense considering that I'm an air sign with an earth sign rising...must get around to posting my chart on here sometime...
I'm not the only one!!!
So I was chatting with Paul today (friend from Tulane):
Paul: we need to play some Jedi Outcast
Me: I don't have that game
Me: my next game is going to be spiderman
Paul: you should.
Paul: spiderman schmiderman
me: lol
me: I keep thinking of that episode of friends where phoebe is like why is it spiderman (spiderman) instead of spiderman (spidermun)? You don't say Mr. GoldMAN, you say Mr. Goldman. And then Chandler's like, well, it's not his last name. You'd never say Hey, Mr. Spiderman! And Phoebe's like, it'd be cool if there was a Gold-man. And chandler asks what his power would be and she says it would be to turn things into gold. And he says "what about things that are already gold?" and phoebe says "ah, his work is done."
Paul: dude! that's exactly what I think of every time I hear "Spiderman". "He's not some Jewish guy, like 'Joel Spiderman", he's Spider-Man!" LOL
me: LOL...that's wild! I thought it was just me
Paul: Joel Spiderman... That's awesome... LOL
me: LOL yeah
me: it'd be awesome to have the last name spiderman
me: can you imagine the genaeology for that? my family were spidermen in the middle ages lol
Paul: LOL
And now...here's the actual episode script tidbit...it's from episode 319, The One With The Tiny T-Shirt, of Friends. :)
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Hey! (Chandler looks up, startled) Why isn’t it Spiderman? Y’know like Goldman, Silverman...
Chandler: ‘Cause it’s-it’s not his last name.
Phoebe: It isn’t?
Chandler: No, it’s not like, like Phil Spiderman. He’s a spider, man. Y'know like ah, like Goldman is a last name, but there’s no Gold Man.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. There should be Gold Man!
(brief interlude of Rachel-Ross gooey crap)
Chandler: So, what kind of powers would Gold Man have?
Phoebe: Okay well, he would turn things to gold.
Chandler: What about things that are already gold?
Phoebe: Ahh, his work is done. :)
Monday, May 06, 2002
Good Things!!!!!!!!!!
My friend Andrew (Mr. Mindworks) is number 3 on the acidplanet top songs list!!! And he's number 1 on the electronica-ambient list. Yay!!!!!!!!! I personally can't wait until he gets enough songs done for me to have an entire CD of his very nifty music. Then I can start an underground distribution movement. :)
And...as the subject line is plural, I have more good news to share...I am now only 2 miles from GenCon!!!! Yay!!! And they have four rooms remaining for any other GenCon folks who want to be closer...http://www.brumdermansion.com if you're interested. :)
Miscellaneous Blogworthy Items
Welcome to the latest round of "the US government has no friggin' clue wtf they're talking about." I mean, please...this guy called Resident Evil "Resident of Evil Creek". Dumbass. But perhaps you have no friggin' clue wtf I'm talking about...apparently some federal judge got it into his head that PC games do not deserve the same protection as movies and other forms of "free speech." So basically, Tomb Raider the movie gets free speech rights, but Tomb Raider the game does not. And a game with political or social implications would thereby not be protected from censorship in the same way that a movie would be. Apparently the judge reviewed a couple of FPSs and decided that the entire industry was putting out trash. I said it once, and I'll say it again: dumbass. You can read the actual ruling here, and you'll probably laugh at it the same way I did. How can you judge an entire genre by a minute sample? That's like looking at Demolition Man, Lethal Weapon, Blade, and Nightmare on Elm Street and from that sample alone, determining that all movies are just mindless entertainment and so American Beauty, Chocolat, Quills, Saving Private Ryan, Gladiator, and basically every other Oscar nominee ever doesn't deserve protection under the first amendment. You want examples of games with similar artistic value? How about Black & White? Or The Sims (talk about a social statement...)? How about System Shock? Or Thief? Anything that Looking Glass Studios put out before they went under? And there are probably tons of others that I haven't gotten around to playing yet. Geez...Civilization, fer chrissakes!! I mean, the US Army can probably thank the gaming industry (in general) for half of its recruiting numbers...and for people coming in with a pre-conceived notion of tactics and strategy and how to apply them. And besides...the whole idea that the Spiderman game wouldn't get protection but the movie would? Geez. Okay, I don't have time or money to go to law school, but will someone who does and who actually has half a brain please get out there and do it? I swear, I want to start a scholarship fund for people going to law school with plans to go into government who actually have a clue. And if there's a politician out there who has a clue, all it takes is proof to earn my vote.
In my own little gaming world, a war has erupted between the Kiki and the Angelic Alliance. It shouldn't last long as it's mostly futile...there's nothing the Angels can do that I can't counter, and within the year, my allies will be backing me up as well. They might get 1-2 planets out of the deal in the shortterm, but they'll lose them before they even become productive. What is sad is that it's not just the Angels...it's the Leaf Worms, who have allied with the Angels and it is my guess that they have incited this war as a distraction. But...of course, the Kiki are strong in diplomacy and production. We shall overcome.
I spend a good part of Sunday enjoying the weather...it was a beautiful day for certain. An online friend pointed me at an off-road trail in the forest preserve that I hadn't tried yet, so after getting the bike rack set up on the car and dusting off the bike from winter storage, I went out for exploration. It is a really cool trail. For those of you who are local, the easiest place to get into it is at the entrance to the preserve by the intersection of US14 (NW Hwy) and IL-68 (Dundee). There are small trails that dump out onto various roads, and there's one trail that is pretty much straight downhill...it was too muddy and dangerous for me to take with ankle still recovering, but I'm hoping to hit it in a couple of weeks. I'm told that it loops around by the creek and comes out a little farther down Dundee road (at which point you can take a paved trail back). Ran into a guy walking his dog that uses that trail all the time. There's also a stone bridge over a small creek, where I spent a good forty-five minutes sitting and reading...I got to see the cutest labrador go splash into the water (much to his owner's chagrin), decide that the 5 foot long, six inch circumference log just had to be his, grab it, drag it up the bank, and trot down the trail with it...most likely to deposit it at the owners feet with one of those adorable doggie smiles. Anyways, no idea how far I rode...I know I went at least a couple of blocks north and then back a block and then several blocks west and back, but no idea what that amounts to in actual distance. All I know is that my butt is extremely sore today (must invest in padded bike shorts one of these days), and my legs aren't too happy with me either.
Intermission:
Tick: Ahem… Thorax-in-a-box.
Thrakazog: Thrakazog!
Tick: Ah, yes. Laxative-bog.
Thrakazog: No! No!
Tick: Um. Laplander-zog.
Thrakazog: No!
Tick: Four-yaks-and-a-dog?
Thrakazog: Thrak--
Tick: Sapsucker-frog.
Thrakazog: No! No! No!
Tick: Susan?
Thrakazog: Now you’re doing it on purpose. How juvenile.
End Intermission
Well, well, well...dude, that whole sequence *still* cracks me up. Is there a Tick collection out on DVD yet? Probably not. It's probably being hoarded by some evil television executive bent on world destruction. Anyways, I'm at work now...and it looks like this week might just be a quiet one. Thank goodness, considering I worked for four hours on Saturday, and I did one of those 13 hours-straight days on Friday. And, I'll be doing another one this Thursday. With great power comes great responsibility. Go me. The quest for a closer hotel room to GenCon goes on. I'm going to start calling the bed and breakfasts in the area today to see if they have openings. As is, I'm something like 13 miles away. Unless the hotel is going to be running a shuttle to the convention center (which they can currently neither confirm nor deny), I'm going to be spending alot of money on cab fares. If any of my loyal readers have connections that can get me into a closer hotel...well, I am yours. :) lol Gotta go...lunch time...talk to y'all later...
Sunday, May 05, 2002
Figures...
Guess who else is forsaking the LotR characters for rampant-hottie-Tobey? Yep, you guessed it....Cassie Claire of VSD and DD/DS/DV fame.
To the forest preserve!
There's fantasizing to be done!
You heard me. I am now nursing a full fledged crush on Tobey Maguire, courtesy the Spiderman movie. Have decided he is rampant hottie, besides being talented and all that. I just love the way his smile creeps across his face...and those blue eyes...awwww....::swoon::
::giggle:: I wish I had that waiting for me in the woods...I'd be much more enthused about getting my bike loaded onto the car. As for now, I need to fetch my laundry from the laundry room as it's been sitting there for the better part of two days now in various stages of washing...and then must do the usual bits about getting dressed, washing, brushing, dressing...and get the bike loaded so that I can go trail-exploring, as it's far far too beautiful of a day to stay inside.
Saturday, May 04, 2002
Strange-ass dreams and too much work
Well, I had this weird dream last night involving rapids and snakes and my mom and my manager and amusement parks...oh and boy scouts doing really stupid things and ending up dead. That part seemed like a video game...the boy scouts moved like CGI boy scouts move...and they were crossing a river by jumping from these high platforms, and the wood from the platforms started falling apart, and I couldn't figure out why they didn't just wade through the river, at least until someone pushed me off the cliff and I ended up in the rapids, swimming toward a floating jeep that I rode and eventually got banged up pretty bad because the rapids were very fast and rough, but then, it turned out that it was part of an amusement park ride that the jeep had somehow fallen into, and that you had to wade through a lake to get to...and my mom asked me why I was so wet and I explained and she got mad that the amusement park had endangered me and then as we were wading over to complain, we saw a little nook with a bunch of money in it, and I started to fish the money out of the nook, but then a snake came out...a tiny one, but menacing, and then my mom grabbed it and threw it away and then like a million more started coming out of everywhere, and we ran away and went back home and then I got a call, and um...well, let's not go into that part on here. It's X-rated anyways, and I'd hate to tarnish y'all's image of me as an innocent little blogging person. :) And anyways, then I woke up this morning and started finishing up the work project (this part is real, not a dream) and the server kept crashing...so I am only just now leaving for Games Plus, which bites because Rob already started the game I wanted to play. Grr. :) And it's a beautiful day, and I'm half-inclined to say fuck it and just go to the forest preserve for the day, but I really am nicking for some gaming. ::sigh::
Friday, May 03, 2002
It's a blog of laughter, a blog of tears. It's a blog of hopes, a blog of fears...
Crikey, this is going to be long.
Aragorn got big and huge and long last night. And then (verily) Frodo came. Go Frodo!
Okay, so I haven't written in awhile. Apologies for that. I have been unexpectedly hit with a bunch of stuff for that work project that I'm technically no longer working on, but actually still am and probably always will be. And besides, I was basically already planning on only being at home to sleep, and only being at work to work, for most of this week...and as y'all can probably tell from the timestamps, I am usually doing these from work.
Anyways...okay, let's see...need to catch y'all up on stuff. Umm...well, I went to the symphony on Wednesday night. I saw Yo-Yo Ma and the Silk Road Ensemble. Interesting music, although some of it was admittedly a bit odd. That poem in my last entry...Dervish...I know it's talking about the religious definition of dervish, but it seems like it uses both definitions to me...transparency, force of nature, etc. I don't know, but it really hit home with me. The Silk Road Project commissioned the piece "Dervish", and the poem is sung during the piece...it's about the life of this persecuted priest in Azerbaijan (spelling may be bad). And I took the train to/from the symphony again, although I did take a taxicab to the symphony house this time...mainly because it was raining downtown. Still loving the whole train ride thing. Actually am looking for excuses to do more downtown trips during the summer as there's a huge swell of independence and being 23 and fancy free that I get when I'm walking around downtown...makes me want to do strange imitation of Gene Kelly dancing with umbrella.
I wonder if everyone gets this when they're 23. It like...the "too old to be young and too young to be old" feeling. Doesn't help that I've had a fresh barrage of "you're only 23???!?!?!?" thrown at me. :) Happens all the time when I start talking to people...they get to know me, and hear about my life and what I do and what I've done and then (especially online where age-lying is common), they're like, are you sure you're 23? I had someone stop talking to me once because he thought I must be an older person lying about my age. And I will admit that there is strangeness involved. I feel it, too. I mean, just four years ago, I was in college, living off of other people's money (although I did work my ass off to try not to live off of other people's money too much), and I had no idea where I'd end up. Five years ago, I was barely even sure that I'd manage to graduate, and I was scared to death of what was going to happen to me. And now...rent, projects, supervising, goals, clubs, memberships, multiple bank accounts, CDs (not the musical kind), stock, options, taxes, cars, etc.
Dude, I sat on here a few weeks back and listed off a bunch of stuff that I wanted. And most of it, I'll probably have by the end of this year. That's friggin' wild to me. I used to make those lists all the time in college and know the entire time that I'd probably get maybe one or two things off the list...and that was a fine goal at the time, helped me save up. But now...And yeah, I know, I sound like I'm bragging, but I swear I'm not...it's just...it's like...whoa! I'm a responsible adult. I grew up! How the hell did that happen?
I talked with a friend the other night about responsibility and goals and how I think that some people, for whatever reason, set themselves up for failure by asking too much of themselves. I mean honestly, sometimes I think I've been setting myself up for failure my whole life, except that I keep managing to make it through anyways. And it frankly amazes me that here I am...at age 23...big city, nice job, pretty apartment, taking several vacations a year, and dealing with sums of money that vastly exceed anything I dealt with before. Remembering very clearly talking with a friend from Tulane at graduation about how we were going to be making more than our parents made combined...and it's not like our parents were really that bad off...and there's a weird mix of happyjoy and guilt associated with that.
Well, I'm rambling, but, like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives.
You know, there are people who totally would have gotten lost today when Joe and I were talking about how this one guy at work looks like he could be a wacky flamboyant sidekick of Alex P. Keaton, Jr. Sucks to be them. The guy also very much resembles Merry. He is now dubbed the wacky-80s-hobbit-man, and joins the eminent ranks that have included such names as tight-pants-guy (who I don't see very much anymore), and man-who-washes-feet-in-sink.
And anyways, Thursday was just the usual work followed by gaming. I found out that I will be working late both today and next Thursday, so I'll miss gaming that week (or, best case, I will be very late to gaming).
And as for today, well, I am mainly just putting out fires and waiting for everyone to leave so I can run some scripts. Ho-hum. :)
Well, well, well...it's a small blog after all. :)
Dervish
More blogging to come later, but first, I wanted to share some poetry from the concert I attended on Wednesday night.
Dervish, by Ali-Zadeh
I am a dervish, it is strange;
I have nothing, but I am the king of the universe;
I am invisible, my body is transparent;
When I am in a good temper, my spirit begins to shine;
I am nowhere and I am everywhere;
I combine all forces of nature: fire, water, air earth.
I am a messenger;
I was sent here by God, and he speaks through me;
I am beyond the law of the common people;
I will not be dismayed if they do not let me into Paradise,
Because Paradise is within me;
Eh, Nasimi! It is you who were chosen by God.
